Using Emotions To Fuel Business Growth | Hot Seat Coaching with Jane

Sometimes we can find ourselves stalled in our business, and it seems like everything is working against us. We are taking all the right steps, we take action, but yet it seems like we can't make traction. 

Then, add the catastrophe of the Corona Virus pandemic. 

In a recent hot seat coaching conversation with one of my lovely, feisty, bubbly clients, we touched on several areas that are affecting her life, her business, and her ability to grow her business. 

She was triggered. Feelings of frustration with home life, taxes, and a webinar that hasn't converted were leaving her feeling angry. 

In this candid coaching conversation, we dive into our feelings and how to bridge those feelings in the best way to fuel the passion in our business ventures so we can stay connected to our feminine energy, but still profit and provide value to those we serve. 

We cover: 
👉🏻How anger is a great way to make money
👉🏻How strong women hold too many emotions in
👉🏻How we as women need to match each other emotionally
👉🏻How our passion and our true, authentic selves are what really make the sales
👉🏻How our story is vital to selling
👉🏻How to weave a story with facts in a business presentation to connect powerfully with your audience

For the sake of maintaining privacy for my clients, I'll rename her "Jane" for this article.

"I AM SO TRIGGERED."

Jane was feeling very triggered, and trying to contain her anger. But, anger is an amazing emotion to use to make money! 

But anger is amazing! 


We want to grab onto an emotion and amplify the emotional state you're in. We can take your emotional state and fuel it into your webinar (and other training or videos that you create). 

Anger can be super productive for making money. So don't hold your anger back, share your anger. 

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Jane: Let me give like the background cause I think it'll help like for people to know where I'm at, why I'm like wanting to cry, why I feel pissed. 

So I'm doing my taxes and I'm going to just vent for a couple of seconds cause I'm actually irritated on several levels. 

So you know, we do our taxes and the tax guy is emailing me cause that's the kind of relationship we have. 

I send it to him, he emails me and we correct things. He tells me that I've lost too much of my business and so I'm going to have to move some things around. And I'm going to need to pay like $3,000 in taxes. 

And in my mind, like, "Are you fucking kidding me?" Like, no, I don't want to pay fucking $3,000! 

I just got a bonus and I paid $9,000 in fucking taxes. I pay taxes all the time at corporate. 

I work hard for my money. I don't want to pay any more. 

The fact that I now have to pay more taxes really just got under my fucking skin. I'm so irritated with that. Now I've got to budget for that. And he said at some point we need to look at a couple of losses in my business. I've invested heavily in myself so I can really feel the anger. 

Jane: I can see how rapid I'm talking. I'm just having awareness. 

Sacha: Let it go! Don't try to filter it. 

Jane: So in the same email, he's like, yeah, "You know, this is the third year we had losses in your business." 

"At some point the government is going to say this is a hobby and I know it's not"... at that point I just wanted to just cry. 

It was so painful to hear him say that. 

I mean I appreciate that he said, "I know it's not" because that means he has faith in me, but my numbers don't show it. Right, that's my issue. 

So after that email, that's when I Voxxered through with you (Sacha) and I was like, "Oh my God, I think I need to cry." 

I am so triggered by this person's email. 


I feel urgency because I know I cannot let this happen again. Where next year it's the same shit to my tax person and I'm being told that I didn't make a profit. 

To me that's just unacceptable. I'm not even gonna tolerate it, I don't care what fucking has to happen. 

I don't care if I have to shut shit down. I am not going to be in a position for that again. So fucking bullshit. Oh my, I am so beyond irritated! 

Since I'm ranting and raving, I'm going to go to one more...

Then this morning, I'm so fucking triggered, you have no idea. When I got my bonus, I decided to be collaborative with my husband and give him money. 

So I wrote my husband a check. Then he hoards the check for weeks. 

I wake up this morning to a bounced account.

Are you fucking kidding me??? 
You hoard those checks for weeks and now I have four NSF charges! 

And I'm trying to stay calm because it's our anniversary today... How fucking mature. 

You're tricking the shit out of me and I've got to be nice because it's our anniversary and I don't want to be nice, I want to call you an asshole!

So then I had my little breakdown in my mind and then I said to him, "Hey, next time when you hoard checks like that, can you give me a heads up? They're going to cash the checks at once so I need to know if I need to move my money around. Now there are two more hundred dollars I have to fund." So that's my rant. That's my tantrum. 

This is why I wanted this call with Sacha because I feel like I need to change my call to action, or something needs to change. The one thing that is my goal that we've been talking about is getting, by the end of the year or even sooner, is the 25k. That's what I'm working toward. 

Actually doing things to get to that point, I just feel like I need to change my call to action, but I don't know to what, for it to be more effective, to hit that result. 

So that's where I'm at. That's what is going on at home. 

Sacha: How are the kids? Jane, vent a little more...you tend to be strong and hold things together. But what else is going on? And what else do you need to get pissed and vent about? 

Jane: Okay, so my control issues are flaring up the wazoo! 

So in my mind, I'm thinking, no, "My kids are not home from school!" Your ass is still in school! It's just, you're doing it (school) from home. 

So in my mind, you keep the school schedule. That's just right. You're still in school. But, I'll come home and I've surrendered so much that I'm just handing it. (school responsibility) off to my husband.

I'm at a point where I'll get 20 emails from my school. I don't know if other parents are struggling with this or what, but every teacher is emailing me, so daily getting about 20 emails. I just keep firing those fuckers off to my husband. 
 
So that's what I'm doing. And I am even wondering, are my kids even getting educated right now? You know what I mean? Like is their homework done? I don't know. 

So yeah, it's been insane. 

And, Oh my God, it's my anniversary. My family is going to be under my skin. My birthday is coming up in two weeks. So I need a fucking pity party. So that's it! 

Other than that, things are fine. I mean, I'm happy my job is considered an essential function. So at least financially I'm in a good place, right. I'm not, I'm not having to worry about, "Oh my gosh, can I feed my kids?". 

I mean, my husband's hoarding a little bit with food. I'm like, okay, we are stocked up on soup. Do our neighbors need some soup? We don't need 50 cans of soup! We're not going to eat all of that soup! 

And, don't buy another box of tissue! We're fine. We're gonna wipe our ass! Oh my God! So that's where I'm at. I'm just like, "Oh my God, where's the wine?"  

Sacha: Last night we went shopping, and there were literally three women in a row who filled their carts with wine! 

Anyway, notice what she felt and realize when she is wanting to stop venting, and then she ended up saying as quick as she could to mend it all out. But "everything's really fine." 

Can anyone else relate to that? 

This is what we do. We are women. 

We're going to go into your call to action. But what I find is that women aren't getting results because they're emotional; we're emotional by nature and we're like not letting ourselves feel it. The woman's nature needs to be met and validated in her feeling state. 

So if we could, I would say "Scream it out Shannon!" and then I would match her. 

She'd go "Ahhhh!" and I would go "Ahhhh!" and we would be met.

Then I would say, okay, let's talk. 

If you're not doing that for each other, we are here. The woman's nature needs to be emotionally validated. That's what we need and we've forgotten how to do that. 

In other cultures, like in Ireland's past, when a woman was angry or grieving or sad, a woman in public could just start wailing and yelling and all the women would come and incircle her and they would match her wailing. They would go at her pace; she would start sobbing softly and then she would start to go louder and they would yell as loud or they would weep as hard with her.

It is in the matching of our emotions that we feel the community, we don't feel alone. So that is missing in business for women, which is what I'm committed to bringing more of. 

It's also missing in our societies and in our homes. Men don't do that for women. But men are nourished by seeing women do it. 

It's this isolation and the separation of families causing women and men to be fighting. 

For example, the feeling for your partner like "Why don't you get me? Why aren't you meeting my needs?" But his needs are met by the women matching each other. So that's what we can do that for each other. And that's what I do with my accountability buddies. 

So are you letting yourself vent and be emotionally met by someone in your life? 

Ideally an entrepreneur because then you'll be able to not only be emotionally fulfilled as a woman, but you'll be able to channel it into business results. It's emotional. It is supposed to be.

 We are not meant to just sit there and say, "Oh that sounds really hard." We're designed to match her. So she sees herself and now doesn't feel alone and then the energy she is feeling moves. It just moves. 

Anger is one of the most profound tools to make money. So anger is a great place to be today. 
 
Jane: For me, being in corporate America for so long and with my upbringing, my natural bent has to get into the masculine. I've worked hard to be more balanced and stay in my feminine. 

So maybe that's my challenge...how do I stay in my feminine and still get shit done?

When you (Sacha) were saying this, in my mind I was cracking up because last week as I was putting up my makeup, and I'm thinking to myself, "Right now he (husband) is getting on my fucking nerves. How was he useful to me? How was this fucker useful to all to me right now?" 

Then I thought that's probably not a very healthy one in my mind. He's probably thinking he's my cure. He's thinking "I'm staying home with the kids when she's at work" and I sit there in the mirror thinking "How was he helpful?" 

I won't even call my mother in law right now because she's not helpful. I had to check myself. I was like humble yourself. Oh my God, that's a terrible way to feel.

Sacha: This is what it looks like to be connected emotionally and in connection with one another. Now we're going to take this and we're going to bring the emotion and the sense of connection and community. 
 
We're not alone. We don't figure it out aloneThat's not the way to results. Business is a team sport. 

We need to honor the emotions that are there and then there's a moment where then you know you can tap in and that's what I call clocking in and clocking out. I clock in for the personal and then I clock out, and then I clock in for work. 

What I see so many women doing is that they're emotionally held back and then they think there's a right way to do business. So it's like this wild, alive creature (the woman) then she goes into a restrained, pulled together professional image, thinking she must do the mechanics of her business a certain way.  

The thing is that enrollment is about emotion, not about doing it right. Once we have the structure which is needed, we need the masculine structure to hold the feminine. 

Thinking of the webinar framework as the masculine structure to hold the feminine, emotional, passionate, irrational, ever-changing woman. When we've fully, collectively unleashed our permission to be feminine and emotional, we're going to dominate business and money. We are going to outshine the men so fricking fast when we get this.

Women are the most untapped natural resource and it's only because of the crisis point (COVID19) that we are going to rally ourselves as individual women and say "This is scary, but it's more painful to stay where you're at." 

We're going to see it. Business is going to explode in the next 10 years with women and is going to be the most exciting thing that we have ever seen. 

So for your webinar, Jane, are you open to honest feedback? I as to make sure that you want to hear it. Sometimes when we give feedback without asking first, it's not the right time. 

Jane: Yes, okay.

Sacha: I watched your webinar. My thought was that my experience with you is that you are the most fun person. Anyone who has not hung out with Jane in person is missing out. She's so fun! She's just bubbly and is so fun, she is the life of the party. So that's my experience with you. 

And then the webinar was like this robotic experience. There was no emotion, there was no passion. That was my experience and I think that's why it didn't work. 

So I don't think it's your call to action. We will absolutely value stack and tighten up your offer. I have lots of proven resources for that, and I know we can strengthen your offer. 

But before we even get to the offer, I want to feel you. I want to feel your stand, your passion, like getting on a 10-minute training of you on fire to your list will work better than a full webinar that's robotic. 

Getting on your training and saying, "Holy moly, talking about the cans of soup!" Tell the story. 

Say, "I have this and I help people with money mindset" and we're going to unpack it here, the structure of your webinar, but bring the Shannon to the table and let your list fall in love with you! 

People want to follow people who are charismatic and charismatic, doesn't have to look bubbly if you're authentically not bubbly. 

My husband, Shane, is like the most serious person I know, but he's bringing his enthusiasm and his authentic emotion as a certain pointed, opinionated leader. 

Whatever your thing is, don't water it down. This is the time to not only just bring it but turn up the heat. Turn up the dial. We need to do whatever it takes to grab our audience's attention.

Now more than ever, more people are going to be jumping in trying to start online businesses. A lot of people are going to, the government is going to support people in getting new skillsets. So don't worry, there's going to be support; that happens in every age change. 

Employee minded people are going to learn the new skillsets and get the jobs for the visionary entrepreneurs and the new government systems. But, how do we stand out from the noise and people who are just jumping in? There's going to be an exit, like a warm wave that's going to happen of people launching online businesses. 

So now more than ever, know your one ideal client and speak to them only. 

I know you already have your list. She has "Start To Master Your Money Mindset." We're selling into Master Money Mindset Mastery. 

The goal at this point is to have conversations. So I don't want you to get stuck on the webinar mechanics. I actually want you to unleash your passion and send videos and audios to your list. Get engagement, get on the phone, make some sales calls. 

You're good at sales, but because you've been a rock star lead salesperson for other people's companies, sometimes when we pivot to selling for ourselves, we go into doubt because it's our thing. So think of your sales calls as a conversation where you and me are together having a glass of wine. 

What would you tell me on your sales calls? Most people hit a wall and don't know if they want to "go there" with you. That's what's happening. 

People don't know if they want to go there with you. 

Find a doorway in your conversation, find a little hole that you can use, and then just get in there with them and then connect with them. That's the goal of a sales conversation and sales is happening with our engagement everywhere. 

It looks like selling people to watch our Facebook live. It looks like selling people to sign up for a freebie. It looks like selling, getting them to open your emails. Get on phone calls,  it's all enrollment. And so talk to people and just let yourself be messy. 

Sometimes we think "Oh, I've got to do it right." And so we turn down our emotional resourcefulness so much. Our emotional states are the most powerful resource we have

When we're not making money, it's often because we turn our emotions way down in our business, like how we're communicating and just speak to one person. 

One video can ask, "Have you lost your job?" Remember, we talk to one person with one problem in our messaging.

So one person, one problem, and we would come at the problem from every angle. 

That's what I'd love for us to do, create emotionally connected content, that will get us into a conversation with people. We just need people to engage. 

So my feedback from your webinar is just that it wasn't emotionally connected. 

Jane: That makes sense. Yeah. I think I went more into my academic role. 

Sacha: What's great is that you'll be able to enroll the analytical people. That's been something I've needed to flex into big time, to enroll analytical people. You naturally enroll analytical people because you're very intelligent. You have the facts, you have the data. 

It's not that we bypass your analytical side. I would still say let's redo that webinar, have it set up as an instant access training so it anchors your principles. If people want more content, tell them to watch the webinar replay. 

Your webinar will be a combination of both factoids and emotion. Share factoids because it helps get attention and helps the analytical brain and it helps give context. 

But real transformation and sales requires some version of the heroine's journey. They're in the sale, they feel the call, they refuse the call, right. They think, "I don't know if I can do it." So when you sell someone into anything that's just in and of itself in her call during the story. 

Jane: So, yeah. That's, this makes sense. When I was processing it myself, I thought, Hmm, I really didn't share as much storytelling. So, that makes sense. 

Sacha: In terms of the emotional connection, tell us so that everyone can learn about your program and who it's for and what problems it solves. 

Jane: A lot of people talk about money mindset, but where I get really passionate about it is combining the money mindset with personal leadership...how they go so hand-in-hand. Some people just focus on the money part. But when I really realized that what I'm learning for myself is if you really want to have that impact and the money to reflect it, it's all about your leadership. 
 

If you really want to have that impact and the money to reflect it, it's all about your leadership. 


So when money's off of the table, this is really a conversation about impact.

 Financially, I'm fine, I'm in a good place. At this point I can go anywhere and I'm gonna make more than six figures because of the experience I have, the degree I have, it's not an issue. My husband makes six figures. 

So this is about me really stepping into my full potential and asking, can I really make money through my leadership and who I am? And how would I help people really get to that level? 

So my program is a six-month program that combines personal leadership with who they need to be to make the income. So it's not just about the money mindset, that's part of it, but it's really about all the leadership that needs to happen. It's really helping people step into who they need to be to really make the income. 

And for me, where I'm growing into is what you're describing...getting more into my emotional feminine side. Cause I'm pretty masterful in my like masculine side. I feel like if you give me a task, it's going to get done.  

That's where I see people have problems. Like they just go for the vehicle, but they're not who they need to be to make that vehicle work for them. And so this is why they have breakdowns. 

So I'm actually addressing the identity piece that's often missing, where people struggle in their business for years. I'm really providing the foundational leadership piece where they're having that healthy relationship with money and money's just a byproduct of who they are. 

I'm just focused on who my clients need to be to make that business vehicle work. Does that make sense? 

Sacha:
 Yeah, absolutely. It's never enough to have a "selfish why." We have to have a "selfish why" that gets us an action, but then what it takes to actually go into the darkness ourselves, be willing to let go of an old beliefs so we can become who we need to be to get to the victory. 

That's the moment where it shifts into the realization that what we are doing is not about us. It's about who we become and the difference we make. And so many of you have already had that shift, but there's still the breakthrough piece. 

You've already mastered the masculine. I feel like your heroine's journey threshold is around being willing to love your feminine and, and acknowledge the shadow feminine so that you can then be the emotionally connected leader who, of course, will still get stuff done who then enrolls people into this program. 

Jane: So I feel like it's totally around that. This is great. I don't want to face that shadow. I don't want to change. Can't I just get the result doing what I'm doing? I'd really love to just be able to get the result just doing what I already do. You know, it's human.  I'm committed to doing it, no matter what. 

Sacha: And so you're in it, you're going to do this no matter what. 

 And it's the emotional piece. Because you're comfortable financially, it can be easy to default to just going into what you're comfortable with, which is the facts, the masculine and thinking that that should work to enroll. Though it may for some people, the proof is in the pudding, meaning no one said yes yet

So this is an opportunity to come in and, and do it differently. So to enroll yourself, to show up, to experiment with being emotional, more emotionally connecting and driving a point like 

"I'm taking a stand for you. If you're watching this and you are freaking out and hoarding soup and toilet paper, now's the time more than ever you need to manage your money mindset!

If not now then when? Yes, I'm talking to you! We see the buttoned-up CEO, but I want to pull back the curtain.

People want to fall in love with the leader. 

Jane: 
I can show them my soup cans at home! Like here, we've got like fucking 80 cans of soup. Why do we need all this soup??

I told my husband, "Please look at our cupboard. Please stop going into the store every day. We don't need all this soup that you bought! We're okay."

Sacha: So this is how we enroll ourselves. If you were on fire to serve, which enrollment requires service, you would be going live every day. You'd be sending an email every day. 

Now more than ever, we need people who feel safe with their money, safe with their security. How do we get you to go there? You're dealing with all of the real circumstances, your plate is full. 

How I do it, and how many people do it to hack their system. What's the vision? What's the one thing I'm committed to?

You've already done all the work branding, positioning. You have the signature system, all of it's there. But how do we enroll ourself to make it a priority to do the one thing that actually will work. 

It's about your audience. What's the cost of you not showing up for them? What's the cost of you not showing up and enrolling effectively, being in your leadership in an effective way that it actually enrolls them? What's the cost to them and their kids and their stress levels, right? Heart attacks, cheating, overworking... 

Burning themselves out because they don't feel that secure enough with providing for their kids with what they have financially because of what's happening right now. 

Jane: I know a lot of people are just really worried about their job, and are they going to have enough money to like pay the rent, right? Can they pay for their car? Things like that... 

Sacha: You dropped in just there, you care. That's a step. That's a place to be talking about your program from, for everybody. 

It's not about doing your webinar right. It's about dropping into the connectivity of the truth of ourselves and the truth of what we're doing and caring for other human beings enough to stand for them. 

People need to feel understood before they want to understand. 
-Jennifer Hudye

The whole secret to getting people's attention when they're bombarded is going to be "seek first to understand" and to be productive and only work on your business in the amount of time that you have. Maybe you have all the time, but it's not about more time. It's about productive effort. And so that's where it's really important to stay focused. 

We don't want to use the "mist setting." We want to do the power hose setting. 

This is not the time to go broad like we tend to want to go with our business. We want to nail into your one ideal client, fall in love with them, that you know them better than they know themselves. So all of your communication is talking to them and they just feel like, "Oh my God, she understands me" and "Oh my God, I love her."

That's what we're looking for. "She understands me. Oh, she has knowledge on this. I love her."
That's when sales happen. That combination right there is what we're looking for. 

In order for that to happen, we get to be marketing ourselves, putting out content, the balance of the facts and the emotional. What does it take to actually do that though is either about us, we're in so much pain that we're willing to, or we connect with the pain for the person we stand up for. 

Jane: What comes to my mind in terms of dropping in more and standing for the pain of the person is thinking about my mom. When she was married, my dad was going to take care of her. So she never really invested in herself, learned about money, anything. Now she's kind of in a precarious position. So part of this is knowing that I'll be taking care of my mom. When she freaks out about things,I step in to support her. 

I think about all the other people that are going to be in that same position as her like 25 years from now, they just don't know it. 

They just don't know that they're going to be there. 

I just think sometimes, "God forbid something happens to me. What's going to happen to my mom? Like who's going to be stepping in and taking care of her, making sure she has enough soup cans?" 

There's no one else to do that for her. There's the emotional piece for me. She freaks out if there's no sauce. I'm like, "Mom, it's okay. I'll send you some pasta and sauce, you're going to live! It's all right. You know, maybe you're gonna lose some weight, right?"

So really thinking about her, right... She can't even be available for my kids emotionally because she's so in survival mode, in that place where she can't be available.

Sacha: The you wrap it up and drag the point home and then you go into the solution. Everyone needs to get good at storytelling and then wrap up. What's the one point you want to drive home? Then you reveal the solution, which is your thing, whatever it is.

So Jane could open it up like:
"I'm at my job and I'm feeling more grateful than ever that I have mastered my money mindset and I have a career that is future proof, recession-proof, disaster-proof. But more than a job that I know have my needs met. What's even more valuable is that I've mastered my money mindset. Because if we are putting all of our sense of security and safety in something outside of us ourselves, we'll never feel enough." 

"Sorry, hubby, I'm giving you a little shout out. We have enough soup cans. We're good!"

You preview the point and then you unpack it even more. Give another story or insert a little fact at that point. We're structuring stories and communication content to then lead to the solution. So like the idea point that you're going to talk about and unravel into a story, maybe a little factoid, another story, so you show the possibility, which is you, you're the hero that knows what's up. You're talking about just one facet of a point in your webinar. 

And then you go into a story. So you could unpack that even more. 
Idea > Drive the point with story > include data, facts > Drive the point with story Explore possibility Repeat

You can share that one of your biggest drivers is to be such a capable woman who can handle a lot. And that you want to be strong for your mom. And then you can talk into your passion for serving your mom and say, 

"You know, I'm on a mission. I'm on a mission to support as many people as possible in these precarious times, to have this level of safety, trust, security. And I can help you to create that. And if you're interested, click here and book a time to talk and then you get on the phone." 

You meet them, and then you reveal the real solution, which is your program. 

Jane: I love that. Thank you. And having a reframe."Thank God I'm so rich that, for the third year in a row, I can blow that much money until I figure my shit out." So that's my reframe.

I'm in that space where there's some more shadow work or there are some more adjustments that I need to make or step into for this to really click for me. Thank God that I'm in a position where I can financially fail a little bit and be okay. I don't like it. Right? My ego hates it to have my tax person say that, but I am a winner. 

Sacha: So it's very important that Jane processes all of this with her accountability buddy. We want to be very strategic and discerning. 

It does reveal that story, that message in the middle, does it serve me making money or not? If her ideal clients are people who have careers who are starting side gigs, that would be reassuring to them. "Wow. Jane's so wealthy. So financially secure that even though she's still getting her business up to where she wants it to be, that's okay."

But if your ideal clients are established entrepreneurs who need their thing to work now that story wouldn't work. So this is discernment, and that's why we need to know our one thing. 

We need to know who our ideal client is and then everything gets created from there. 

What stories do I share? What stories are about me? So that it doesn't rob my power and hold me back from doing my thing. 

Jane: Yeah. So, okay, well thank you all for letting me share my struggle.

Sacha: Well, it was an absolute contribution. You are amazing. Thank you, ladies, for holding the circle and Jane for being so courageous. I love you!
 

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